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From
"The Baltimore Daily Star", Monday, April 16th, Evening Edition By
Clifford Brown |
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BALTIMORE, April 16- The air crackled with electricity last Saturday as Alvin Ecarma's thrill-packed, soon-to-be-classic, action epic "Lethal Force" was unveiled at the 35th Annual Johns Hopkins Film Festival in historic Mudd Auditorium. Audience members waited for up to 167 hours, with lines going around the block, passing through the Inner Harbor, and finally ending up somewhere in central Ohio. Scalping was widespread with some ticket prices going up as high as a nickel and in some places, even a quarter. Keynote Speaker Secretary of State Colin Powell began the proceedings with a somber speech and proclaimed that the film was "the greatest tribute to those brave men who made the ultimate sacrifice on a beach in Normandy so many years ago" and concluded that "to not embrace 'Lethal Force' as the most important film of this or any other generation is to dishonor the memories of those who wrenched free from the world the yoke of Nazi tyranny." The screening was a smashing success and visiting film critic Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun Times was heard to say, "I laughed. I cried- A LOT." At the reception that followed, the champagne and caviar flowed freely as the crowd rubbed shoulders with the soon-to-be superstars of the film. It was rumored that one of the more voluptuous members of the cast would appear in a rather revealing number; "Oy, guvnah! I tell you wot! She'll be flat-out starkers with 'er rump and such hanging out! Croikey!" whispered Make-up man Danny Fielding naughtily and who was so utterly flabbergasted that he was compelled to affect a truly atrocious cockney accent. As such, it turned out to be leading man Frank Prather who paraded around in a see-through, mesh t-shirt and skin-tight, ass-hugging vinyl pants which did him no favors. Frank strutted around the room bawdily and made lewd remarks about his groin which he constantly to referred to as either "Frankie Jr.," "The Python", and most inexplicably, "My Vagina." But surely the highlight of the evening was the appearance of film legend Stanley Kubrick who treated the cast and crew to a meal of Salsa and Nachos at a local Fells Point night spot. Kubrick held court well into the night and reminisced frankly about his past achievements; on "2001: A Space Odyssey": "Man, I was so baked"; on "Eyes Wide Shut": "Tom Cruise? Gay as a French horn"; on "Road House" with Patrick Swayze: "My greatest achievement". As the light of the gathering dawn crept into the bar, the cast turned to thank the Great Director but found themselves speaking to not but the faint wisps of fog and shadow. It was only then that it was discovered that it was impossible for Kubrick to have been there- for he was lactose intolerant and would not have been able to enjoy the fine Tex-mex cuisine. Producer Kent Bye was visibly disturbed and could only murmur, "This is a medical conundrum for which we have no explanation." |
(c) 2010 Divergent Thinking Productions
(c) 2010 Divergent Thinking Productions